Tuesday, 11 June 2013

True Confessions

Dear Wild Willy Hague and GCHQ,

I'm only too aware of how difficult it is to keep tabs on absolutely everything that ever happens, whether you have sufficient quantities of data storage or not, and I'm sensitive to the problems you face. So on that basis I thought I should probably try to help clear up a few mysteries that may have been gathering a bit of dust in your vaults. Please feel free of course to add any or all of these to my permanent record. And no need to ask me to sign a release form, no, no.

Yours, etc
D Arigâteau


1. The collapse of the Revolutionary Communist Party. This was me. It was my fault and I put up my hands to accept responsibility even though it was kind of an accident. Ordinarily I know you wouldn't give a tuppenny fuck about this sort of thing but it turns out the RCP were working for your lot all along even if they didn't know it. Mi scusi.

2. Repainting Skrewdriver's front door pink. Me again I'm afraid. Thankfully Ian Stuart Donaldson is dead and gone so I don't think you need press any charges. Again, I'm sure normally this kind of thing doesn't bother you too much but it seems that, just like the RCP, all those tiny fascist groups were working for you too. Forgive me for I have sinned.

3. The Man Who Broke The Bank At Monte Carlo. Do you recall that posh-looking feller walking along the Bois de Boulogne with an independent air? Me again of course. This is probably a grey area in some respects. Firstly there is the statute of limitations, and even if there isn't then there ought to be. But given that we are talking about the Bank at Monte Carlo and that you have been working for the banks since as long as we can collectively remember then I bet this is one which you might not feel like letting go of. My bad, as they say. Be gentle with me.

TTFN

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